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Saturday, March 2nd, 2002

Subject:man this is hard........
Posted by:painandsufering.
Time:11:03 am.
ugh...I dont know why I am giving this particular person the power to upset me so much. But I just want to burn myself like crazy so that maybe I can breath.
Comments: 14 In the fire - Burn Don't Freeze.

Subject:hi there.......
Posted by:painandsufering.
Time:2:15 am.
hey well, I'm new. I feel like I kinda need help and I feel scared to ask for it I guess. I havent burnt (sp?) myself since new years eve/day, but I think about it ALL the time....its like I cant breath until I feel that hot metal against my skin. I dont do it (or at least try not to) anymore because I would die if my boyfriend saw any burns, and I dont want to plague him with my problems. So I found this place, and I still consider myself in the recovery process, and you people seem nice and willing to help.

thank you
~Mercy
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Sunday, February 3rd, 2002

Subject:-x- sexy designs... -x-
Posted by:pinkspirit.
Time:8:22 pm.
Mood: curious.
u know how with tattoos.. they basically break the skin with thousands of pin points then put ink in it? i was wondering if going over ur cuts with ink can poison u in some way?
Comments: 8 In the fire - Burn Don't Freeze.

Tuesday, January 15th, 2002

Subject:i'm juggalo jeek?
Posted by:javachick.
Time:3:02 pm.
Mood: uncomfortable.

Juggalo Jeek

It's all about the beats, baby. Faygo and facepaint are where it's all. Twiztid's the shit, Blaze is the whip... I miss the KMK, though. They were good guys.

Which jeek are you?



My mom somehow found out about the whole self-injury thing and made me answer all these questions about it. I felt ashamed of course. She had a right to ask me if she was worried but I wish so much she wouldn't have. i felt wrong lying to her. I hate this shame, I don't feel like I can look my family in the eye anymore.

I like my politics professor- Gregory Rabb and I think World Politics is going to be a very unique class (mostly we're doing electronic simulations online of the European Union) and quite educational.

Did I mention how I want to crawl under a rock somewhere and never come back out for light?
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Sunday, January 13th, 2002

Posted by:loveislaced.
Time:9:29 pm.
this was shocking egads!
you have to stare at the back door in the left corner.. for about thirty or forty seconds... fuck man.. hahaha.. turn off the lights too.... will u get scared??
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Friday, January 11th, 2002

Subject:Cutting and Self Injury {{{{{Sometimes I'd rather die while I'm alive than live while I am dead}}}
Posted by:eroticxstacia.
Time:2:28 pm.
Mood: depressed.
"Whos to blame for the lives that tragedies claim
No matter what you say it dont take away the pain
That I feel inside, Im tired of all the lies
Dont nobody know why
Its the blind leading the blind
I guess thats the way the story goes
Will it ever make sense
Somebodys got to know
Theres got to be more to life than this
Theres got to be more to everything
I thought exists"


____

BACKGROUND: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT SELF-INJURY, THE DISORDER

By Susan P. Moor, Ed.D., Director of Guidance Counseling Center, Glen Cove High School, in consultation with Psychotherapist and author Steven Levenkron.

1. What is "secret cutting" and who engages in it?
"Secret cutting" is when someone engages in cutting, scratching, or burning his or her skin in order to make painful feelings and ideas go away. What is NOT part of the secret cutting disorder includes tattooing, piercings, and "scarification" -- the carving of designs such as the initials of boyfriends or girlfriends or the insignias of clubs or gangs into one's skin. These are social in nature and considered "adolescent trendiness." Current estimates are that 85-90% of secret cutters are girls and women from ages 11 to 50. Most begin in their teens. The current estimates of its prevalence are one in two hundred teens.

2. How is it done and on what parts of the body?
Cutting is most commonly done with razor blades, knives, and matches. The most common parts of the body injured include, in ranked order, forearms and wrists, upper arms, thighs, abdomen, and occasionally, breasts and calves. The reason for the variation in the ranked locations is that the locations most concealed by clothing are usually the most preferred areas.

3. Who engages in secret cutting and why?
This is intertwined with the question, "Who is the most likely to self-injure?"

Those who engage in this behavior include individuals who have impoverished or blocked verbal abilities to conceptualize their problems, whether they be emotional, relational, or situational problems. First time cutting is usually the result of a personal insult, sexual abuse, or other serious harm experienced. After that, the response to other (and lesser) abuses and disappointments can provoke self-injury. It develops an addictive nature.

The need to use physical pain, bleeding, and/or burning to secure relief from emotional pain means that the individual's ability to use mental verbalization is impoverished or blocked. His or her only outlet is the non-verbal impact of self-injury. The initial cause of the first episode is insignificant. Its use will expand until almost any discomfort will provoke this behavior.

4. What other psychological disorders are associated with cutting?
Related disorders include depression, alienation, general anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorders, and, most importantly, self-loathing.

5. What do secret cutters need?
They need professional psychotherapy. Many secret cutters also require medication, sometimes for a year or longer. There is no need to assume that medication will be required for a person's entire lifetime. The purposes of psychotherapy include helping the person form an interpersonal connection and build trust, dependency, reassurance, and support, as well as to help the cutter develop a verbal language to express and understand his or her distress.

6. What if a self-injurer does not receive help?
Without help, a self-injurer is more likely to become increasingly withdrawn from others and to experience an increasing loss of self-awareness and ability to cope healthily with his or her own feelings. However, secret cutting can be treated successfully with psychotherapy and medication. Often within a year of successful therapy, self-harming behavior disappears. Psychotherapy should be continued for a substantial time after cutting disappears in order to resolve the underlying problems mentioned above. This can take years, but it is a worthwhile investment.

7. What should a person say if a cutter shows them their self-inflicted injuries?
If a non-professional person is shown self-inflicted injuries, the best comment to make is something along the lines of, "If you are still doing this to yourself, you should get professional help. What you are doing means you don't know how to address what's hurting you." Obviously, any person confronted with another person's self-injuries will find their own style of stating this. Attempts to explore the reasons for this behavior will usually be rejected by the self-injurer. In general, warm, supportive behavior is always a good idea.

8. What if you suspect that someone is cutting (burning, etc.) themselves?
Depending on your relationship to that person, simply asking him or her if he or she is doing this may get you an honest answer. Referral to a physician for a physical examination is recommended where possible. The intention to commit suicide among cutters is no higher than in the general population. Future studies will further clarify this. The goal of the behavior is ritualistic in nature -- most self-injurers expect to live to cut again. However, if you feel that someone's life is in imminent danger, he or she should be hospitalized. If he or she is a minor, the parents have to be notified. Usually there is no need to panic, but no one can assume that this is harmless behavior.



For additional frequently asked questions on Dr.Drew.com click below

www.drdrew.com/publish/faq/F362.html
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Monday, January 7th, 2002

Subject:Buh Bye...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:10:59 pm.
I'm Leaving this group. If you would actually still like to read my writing you can either comment on this or e-mail me at: IAmSatansGirlfriend@Hotmail.com
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Subject:Feel Like A Man...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:10:42 pm.
Mood: calm.
Twist my locks of hair
Around your white knuckles

Pull me closer
Hold me down

Spit in my face
Lick my cheek

Tell me I'm your little whore
Slap me across the face

Look me dead in the eye
As you fuck me hard

I'll pretend I enjoy it
And make you feel like a man

� Andrea Trenary
http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/driedink/

Don't ask.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Subject:Bewitching...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:10:36 am.
Mood: crushed.
The most beautiful
Girl in the world
Sits by herself
And weeps for her
Passing...

Cold metal
Her only friend
Salty tears
Cling to her cheeks
Alone...

Her tattered flesh
A small beauty
Torn from her soul
Drip into a puddle
Expired...

She holds herself
No one else will
She won't allow
Such a thing now
Departed...

No one will love
Her scarred temple
Her broken mind
Her tortured heart
Bewitching...

She say's her goodbyes
To the empty void
Her shallow eyes
Look upon the light
Once last time
Dead...


� Andrea Trenary
Torn Pages From A Lost Journal... - 01.05.02.

I updated the movie section, and the test section.

Author's Note: Something I wrote last night.

Quote: "The entire being of a woman is a secret which should be kept." - Isak Dinesen.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Saturday, January 5th, 2002

Subject:Something I wrote a Long time ago.
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:5:57 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
She laid back and onto her bed her arm still bleeding from the cutting session she had just put herself through. She glanced at the angry gashes in her pale arm still dripping blood she turned her head away not wishing to look at the destruction anymore. Tears slowly rolled from her eyes finding their way back and into her hair. Her once white comforter now stained with her own blood and by her own doing. She had promised herself she would not cut again but this is a promise she had broken many times. She stared at the razor as it lay bloodstained and silent resting on her night stand. Her arm throbbed the tears started to come harder now.
"What’s wrong with me!?!" she screamed but no one would answer for she was alone in the house. She looked back at her arms one covered in blood the other covered in scars from past episodes, her arm became blurry as she cried. "So many scars..So much pain stuck with me forever..It will never leave me. I did this as a release and look what it got me! More pain then I had before these scars will never leave me, they may fade but they will never fully leave." She said her voice shaking from the tears that fled she buried her face into the pillow. "I can’t go on living like this…" she mumbled into the pillow. "I can’t stop cutting I’ve tried so hard and so long but I can’t stop..I’m beyond addicted. And I can’t go on with all these scars I can’t stand looking at them anymore..too many memories attached to them..too much pain..I can’t deal with any of this anymore. It’s all too much to handle." She sat back up in bed her hair now damp from crying she sniffled. She ran her fingers over the scars that covered her left arm, so many of them, she sat there trying to count them but quickly lost count. "I have no friends..no one to miss me. It will just be one less teenager wandering around. No one will miss that." She turned her attention back to the silent razor on the night stand, she reached out for it her hand shaking uncontrollably. She picked it up holding it within the palm of her hand, she swallowed hard and pressed it to her wrist. "No I can’t," She cried out pulling the blade away from her flesh. "I can’t give up like this taking the cowards way out..however I am a coward and I can’t take this anymore..and won’t." She put the razor back to her wrist and slowly pressed down and in a matter of moments she dragged it quickly slitting her wrist open. She repeated this with her other unharmed wrist proceeding to slit it as well. The blood seem to gush out and everywhere she laid back and onto the bed no tears came this time only a sigh as she said her final words. "So this is what it’s like to die…"

� Andrea Trenary

It isn't my best, was something I threw together for the SI page me and my best friend use to run.
Comments: 2 In the fire - Burn Don't Freeze.

Friday, January 4th, 2002

Subject:Stare...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:9:48 pm.
Mood: cold.
My head is spinning
My feet do not touch the ground
Reaching out to grasp hold
Feeling it all slip through my fingers

Holding air tightly in my hand
My nails dig into my palm
Blood trickles forth dripping softly
Nails now painted a shade of crimson

Eyes baring no remorse for you
A hue of of greens mixed together
Exposing such a hard reality
In one blank stare


� Andrea Trenary
Torn Pages From A Lost Journal... - 01.03.02.
I updated the movie section, the test section, plus the 3rd and 4th weeks of December 2001.

Author's Note: Something I just did, not sure if it's finished or not. Maybe......

Quote: "I carry my unwritten poems in cipher on my face!" - George Eliot.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002

Subject:Untold Secrets...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:9:36 pm.
Mood: artistic.
Laying in front of the fire
With my lover by my naked side

Staring into the flames
Reflected in his burning eyes

His lips like crimson velvet
Gracing my own with an untold secret

His fingers run down my spine
Sending chills chasing after them

His strong arms hold me
Against his quivering skin

His hands get tangled in my hair
His sweet words get lost in my ear

Our beating hearts are as one
Our beautiful souls are forever joined


� Andrea Trenary
Torn Pages From A Lost Journal...

Author's Note: Something I wrote for the man I love.

Quote: "An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one." - Charles Horton Cooley, Life and the Student.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Posted by:pinkspirit.
Time:4:03 pm.
Mood:bad.
...18 more cuts
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Tuesday, January 1st, 2002

Subject:Still Life...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:8:14 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
A young ice maiden
Dressed in a dark red
With a frozen spider web
For a disguising veil

Time has stopped
In this winter wonder land
Hiding all it's true faults
Beneath a blanket of lies

Gaze into the ice like sky
See the frozen clouds
Touch the still rose petals
Melting into a red puddle


� Andrea Trenary
Torn Pages From A Lost Journal...

Author's Note: Something I wrote today. Last night there were two frozen spider webs, they were beautiful and most of my inspiration for this piece. In a way it is kind of like the last entry but in a way it also isn't. This writing is my first in my new 7th poetry journal, I'm happy about that, I also like the fact that it starts on the first day of a new year. I hope you all have a good New Year...

Quote: "When one buys some of my artwork I hope it is because they will wish to learn from it and not because they think it will match their drapes!" - Christian Cardell Corbet, 1997.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Monday, December 31st, 2001

Subject:Blue...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:6:49 pm.
Mood: excited.
Fresh white snow
Like a frozen blanket
Covering the ice princess

Her lips a shade of blue
Her eyes like sapphire
Her dress is a royal blue

Long finger nails
Pale purple strands of hair
Twisted into beauty


� AT
Torn Pages From A Lost Journal...

Author's Note: Just something I wrote the other day. Hard to think today is the last day of 2001. Happy New Year.

Quote: "Joy is but the sign that creative emotion is fulfilling its purpose." - Charles Du Bos, What Is Literature?
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Sunday, December 30th, 2001

Subject:Sorry if I posted the URL before.
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:11:01 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Here is a URL to pictures of myself and my best friend's handy work.

http://www.angelfire.com/goth/BloodyRazorBlade/Photos.html

May take a few minutes to load. My code name is Devi on there lol Joe is my best friend. This was a page we use to run about SI but haven't updated it in ages and I don't think we ever really will.

Feel free to comment as well.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Subject:The Alarm...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:12:12 pm.
Mood: mellow.
He lays there sleeping
Curled into a ball

The wrist watch wicks slowly
Allowing time to slip away

Stare into the darkness
Of your forbidden dreams

Let go of reality
Hang onto your illusions

Ignore the alarm
Slip into my arms


� Andrea Trenary
Torn Pages From A Lost Journal...

Author's Note: Something I wrote while watching Shawn sleep.

Quote: "Anyone can escape into sleep, we are all geniuses when we dream, the butcher's the poet's equal there." - E. M. Cioran, The Tempation to Exist
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Saturday, December 29th, 2001

Subject:An Introduction of sorts
Posted by:bluelotus.
Time:1:54 am.
I realised I hadn't introduced myself, not that I feel I need to, but it seemed a good way to start. I've been to communities like this before, and not quite felt I could open up about things there. This place feels a little different. I hope to find a seat for my bum.




So, onto the SI, I guess. I've cut for a long time, and I've bruised things well before I knew I was really doing it on purpose. With this in mind, burning is a new thing to me. Newer perhaps. My cutting is borderline dangerous. I go too deep, and each time I need it deeper. So I often prefer to burn now. Maybe because I'm not as adept at it, or simply because it fills that weird need in me quicker. I don't know, nor do I understand it very well. I just wanted to try to share something.
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Friday, December 28th, 2001

Subject:A Kiss Before Dying...
Posted by:black_kitten.
Time:4:01 pm.
Mood: anxious.
It's so cold here
I can feel my heart slowing

It's getting dark
I can't see you anymore

Please hold my hand
I feel so very alone

Know that I love you
I always have dear

Kiss me please
I want to feel your lips

Pretty please
Just one time

Give me one last
Kiss before I die

� Andrea Trenary
http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/driedink/
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

Posted by:ex_denied550.
Time:7:00 pm.
the stars scars are not wanted now; put out cover up every one
pack up the moon knife and dismantle the sun gun
pour away the oceans candlewax and sweep up mop up the wood blood
nothing now can ever come to any good

w.h. auden {revised for a new generation}
Comments: Burn Don't Freeze.

LiveJournal for There's Nothing Pretty About A Junkie.

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You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries orforward 20 entries.