so, today before work the scar thing came back.
my parents were arguing about how i have to wear long sleaves because it'll make them look bad.
i said that i can't or i'll get overheated and it wont be good.
and they said that i'm a fuck up.
and i went for a walk. to kinda clear my head. i tried to avoid being in my room afraid of my knife and everything.
some kid called me fuckin dumb because some of my scars are in the shape of an x.
i cried. because i'm fucking emo like that.
i guess i've kinda lost hope on becoming better.
i guess i never really had hope.
i dont know really what to do.
i guess i joined to try to find somebody to talk to.
since i've really got nobody left.
ben (bestfriend/boyfriend) i can't talk to.
i'm too scared about hurting him and making him worried.
i know he'd be supportive, he has been before. but i just dont wanna let him down.
ever since i've gone straight edge i've gotten shit about how i'm not really straight edge since i cut.
i'm so sick of it.
i can't fucking help it.
i really can't stop.
i just know tonight, i crawl into my bed..under the covers and just cut and cut and cut. it doesn't matter where...i'll just cut. till i feel too dizzy to do it anymore.
and i'l collapse on my bed and cry and bleed till i fall asleep.
why oh why does this hurt so much?
oh fuck, somebody help.